I HATE COLLEGE

i mean goddamn its been a long fucking time since ive posted on this gay shit. but come on.
this summer has been so down! ive been having a lot of fun. I started summer school at cal poly, ive been working at hollister, my friends came back from vacation [except sarah] and ive been doing all the things ive been wanting to do. but what the hell happened? how the hell could i have a plan that was so foolproof just taken away from me. i had it in front of me and they pushed me further away from my dreams. I swear i didnt take it for granted! i swear i never thought i was too cool for that school! I swear i intended on changing my ways! I swear to GOD i was so excited for a fresh new start! but now honestly..i just feel low..and shitty. like im back to square one. Im on the same goddamn boat that i was on before. me slacking off, people looking down on me, judging me cause they know im lazy and not at all hardworking, like my worth= nothing, like im not ever going to make it in whatever the fuck i plan on doing. I honestly thought this was my chance for a fresh start. I didnt think that starting off at this brand new place was just a tease..like I had it all in my hand and now its gone. I still just dont get it. where do i go from here? well i know where to go..but I just dont know how to start. ahhhhh I have this huge feeling of self regret, disgust even! I feel so many things inside of me. I know its not the end of the world. You see, you just have to know how im looking at it, im looking at it as a symbol of how things are going to turn out. wrong turns never ever have good endings for me.. I cant be optimistic..I cant be hopeful or keep faith. I just feel low low low low. I would say i hate to feel sorry for my self or that i dont mean to..but..i wont lie i want you to! i want you to feel sorry for me so that i know at least someone gives two shits about me and my whereabouts. so here: all in all, my moms unemployed, my dads company is shit, my dog just died, I got my acceptance revoked, my parents pretty much hate me now, and now my house that ive lived in since i was 3 or 4..is in foreclosure. Im done, 2009 is just doing us dirt. goddamn it. godfucking damn it. I hate everything about today and the next two years